The future can be a scary thing. Sometimes I get caught up in daydreaming about what I want my future to look like, and other times I daydream about what God wants my future to look like. In the past, these day dreams usually led to the same feeling though: fear. Fear that my dreams would never be realized, and fear of what God would call me to do.
I felt that fear when I first realized God was calling me to Honduras. That was never in my plan. I was in college, I was getting my teaching degree, and then I was going to find a job...somewhere. Sure, I prayed and asked God where He would want me to teach, but I didn't mean another country! But as we know, God's plans are greater than our own, and after some silent wrestling I chose to step out on the water "the great unknown, where feet may fail" and follow God's plan. (By the way, that's a line from Hillsong's "Oceans," a song that was an awesome encouragement to me as I prepared to leave for Honduras.)
So recently, the question on many people's minds, including my own, has been, "What will you do next year?" For a while, I thought I didn't have an answer, but the truth is I did. I was just, out of fear, ignoring that answer because I wasn't sure if it was the one I wanted. I was running, maybe not as drastically as Jonah ran from God's call to Nineveh, but running just the same.
This Friday at Destino Church we had a special Communion Worship Service, or as I've started calling it, the "Holy Dinner" (literally "Santa Cena" in Spanish. My English words have started to fail me!) I started really thinking about the Lord's Supper, and how we should examine ourselves before we enter into this time. And I thought about the passage in Matthew 5 where Jesus tells us if we are leaving our gift at the alter and remember a brother or sister has something against us, we should leave our gift, go and be reconciled, and then come back to offer our gift.
And I realized that Someone did have something against me, and that Someone was God. I was refusing to acknowledge and respond to the call He was placing on my life for the next year, and that thought was really humbling. I repented of that, and on Thursday I talked to Rhonda and told her I felt God calling me to stay another year. Friday I entered into the Lord's Supper ready to offer my gift at the alter, the gift of all my future plans. I know this is something I will continually have to lay down everyday, but John 8:29 says, "The one who sent me is with me; he has not left me alone, for I always do what pleases him."
I am still working on the "always" part, but God knows my heart, and He knows that I do desire to please Him. Thank you, thank you to everyone who has supported me this year, and will continue to support me though the next, in financial support and in prayer and encouraging words. Your emails and responses mean so much to me. Please continue to pray for me the rest of this year, for the money I will raise for next year, and all the future plans that God has. Love you all!